Expectations

How many times before have I stood at these trail heads, looking out at the path that lies before me, with not a thought about what I expect from myself as I forage ahead. Certainly, there is some thought about the physical achievement, and the excitement of sensory stimulation that lies ahead, but I am also aware of new expectations. I begin this journey carrying a greater insight into my self, and a deep understanding of the history that has brought me to this place.

George Santayana once said, "Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it," and I am determined to no longer repeat my past. For I have touched that past and have made my peace with it. Santayana's quote in context is,"Progress, far from consisting in change, depends on retentiveness. When change is absolute there remains no being to improve and no direction is set for possible improvement: and when experience is not retained, as among savages, infancy is perpetual. Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. In the first stage of life the mind is frivolous and easily distracted, it misses progress by failing in consecutiveness and persistence. This is the condition of children and barbarians, in which instinct has learned nothing from experience."

I have regained my past and the memories that had changed me in an absolute manner. I have been persistent and deliberate in examining the nuances of past experiences and setting new directions. As Santayana also says,"The young man who has not wept is a savage, and the old man who will not laugh is a fool." The child in me now cries and validates what was sad, and my maturity laughs with abandon while weeping in joy at a self that is reborn.